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the oncoming whirlwind
scap3goat
10 February 2008 @ 09:20 pm
Not here for the weekend. Was not here for the weekend.  
"Here" is relative on the internet, though.

I was at Tanja's from Saturday till today. I was in a traffic jam for 2-3 hours, it took me 4 hours to cover a distance of 165km of mostly motorway.
But we had fun. Very much. Much fandom related.
I really needed a bit of time away from myself. And I got me some advice for my life. From someone who's been there and resolved quite some problems, I think.
Okay, how'd you know I was reading Tanja's copy of "Anything Goes"? XD

Anyway, I'm not as pathetic as to base my decisions on someone's biography. I just skipped through the pages, read a few chapters. It was nothing particular that I read, nothing earth-shatteringly deep or meaningful or spot-on. I was laughing my ass off at a "Meat"(?)-blooper (pigeon flattering through warehouse and shitting on Captain Jack's coat), some "Countrycide" "behind the scenes" (oh, I really want to work with the Torchwood cast&crew if they always party that hard), some second season spoilers and it was just... well.
The next morning I woke up and over breakfast I knew I was kidding myself. Nothing really changed. I had to cope that I couldn't change because again something I had worked for just so hard for didn't work out. Currently I have no idea what I want to do. The Stamford test didn't help me much:

Medical - Chemistry Based
General Medical
Art/Craft
Modern Languages
English/Literary Studies
Drama/Theatrical
Combined Sciences


Is it right for me to challenge my livelong wish of becoming a doctor? Right now I'm not sure Medical things are for me. On the other hand, how arrogant is it to expect a "bam!" and I know what I'll do and I'll have the best job I could imagine for the rest of my life.
Ah, well, I never cared.
I need a "bam!". There is much I could do, I'm not stupid, just a bit lazy. The thing is just that I can't do stuff I don't want to do.
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curious
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TV - Numb3rs
 
a 22-percent solution to pierce my skin
 
( Have you seen my meds? )
This journal is all about ME: TW - Iantoshiny_starlight on February 10th, 2008 09:50 pm (UTC)
All I can say is chose wisely. FOr years and years, I wanted to be an archaeologist. When I was about seventeen, I realised it wasn't really a viable option for me, so I was stumped. I had geared all my classes, everything towards this, and I hadn't a clue what I wanted to do. I thought of a lot of things, the military, police force, nursing, science. In the end, I chose Social Care, cos I really hadn't a clue what I wanted. I just chose randomly. I did my four years, and have been out of college for two, and now I'm not happy in what I'm doing. I'm going back to college sometime in the next few years, hopefully to do computers. Dont meant to scare you or anything, just think carefully on what you chose. You may not have a 'bam' moment, just go with what feels right for you.
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the oncoming whirlwind: me: mephisto - spiritscap3goat on February 10th, 2008 10:06 pm (UTC)
'Bam' or 'click' - doesn't matter as long as I can stand up for it. As long as I can remember I wanted to be an MD, of lately (3-4 years?) with the military. I'm not sure...
I'm thinking about doing the 9 months (up to 23) in the military instead of officer and head off to drama school (in UK - because I still haven't given up about going there). Yet, I fear, there are enough unemployed actors already. Am I any good, let alone good enough?
I might wanna mail my old drama teacher about it...
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This journal is all about ME: TW - Iantoshiny_starlight on February 10th, 2008 10:18 pm (UTC)
All those options sound like a challenge, but worth it. Wish you the best of luck in whatever you pick. Off topic, but I'm moving to the UK too :o) I'm moving to London in may. Its pretty daunting but I can't wait!
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the oncoming whirlwind: me! Comic: rebelscap3goat on February 10th, 2008 10:22 pm (UTC)
My choice would be Cardiff. London just sounds plain scary (and expensive). Though, right now, everything sounds scary... I'm scared sh**-less, actually.
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This journal is all about ME: BDS - Dont Fuck With The Irishshiny_starlight on February 10th, 2008 10:34 pm (UTC)
I'll be honest, I'm absolutely terrified. I love London to visit, but the thoughts of living there is plain scary. Every now and then I get a 'what the hell am I doing?' vibe. But I cant wait. I don't want to look back 20 years from now, saying 'I wish I did that'. I'm stuck in a rut here and now, and London is an escape. It was going to be Canada, but its a bit expensive at the moment, and Lonon is only an hour away from home by plane. I can go home every month if I so chose or my family could come here.
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the oncoming whirlwind: dw: master - drumsscap3goat on February 10th, 2008 10:51 pm (UTC)
I've never been to London or Cardiff, though I'm going to see both in September, at least for a bit.
I think letting go of something so known to me like my own dreams is hard. But I need to make up my mind.
I'm going to check in with the military how their schedule for drafting is. And then I'll check with my teacher, if I find her email again. I might finally wanna watch the vid from our last play.
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This journal is all about ME: TW - Iantoshiny_starlight on February 10th, 2008 11:03 pm (UTC)
I'd love to have done singing/acting in college, but I know I'm not good enough. I don't have enough experience to get into those colleges anyway. Drama wasn't an option in my school :( I know how hard it is to let go of your dreams. I clung onto archaeology for so long, way past the time my head knew it was time to think of something else, and be more realistic. You say you have to make up your mind, but it sounds like you have a plan in place. Is there any particular area in the military you wanted to join? I wanted to join the Navy
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the oncoming whirlwind: me! vicious-dangerous-lovablescap3goat on February 10th, 2008 11:17 pm (UTC)
I have no idea how good I am or if the slight lisp I had is really gone. But I love acting. I can get into it, I can really drown myself in the challenge of becoming someone else.
I'd have a plan if I'd had made a decision.
Actually I'd just join the military for money and experience. Just for the fun of it, the challenge. I'd join Navy, Army or Air Force - doesn't matter that much, though when I first thought about it when I was 14 I wanted to join the Air Force.
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This journal is all about ME: TW - I Know Everythingshiny_starlight on February 10th, 2008 11:33 pm (UTC)
Air force would be cool. Ireland is a neutral country, and our Air Force isn't up to much. Sounds like it would be really awesome though.
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the oncoming whirlwind: statement: literaturescap3goat on February 10th, 2008 11:50 pm (UTC)
Air Force because I still had a massive SG-1/SGA obsession back then (and with my blonde German teacher - but that's not the point here). I might have to go on a foreign mission but I would have done that if I'd gone to be an officer for 17 years, too.
I wonder if it's really worth it... all the fuss I'm making...

Anyway, you're moving to London in May? I'll probably (!) catch a flight to Stansted on Friday August 29th, go up to Stratford and return to London (via Cardiff) to fly back home on Wednesday Sep 3rd in the morning. If you'd like we could maybe meet up (though nothing of this is set in stone yet. I'm just planning - and so far my planning ahead didn't go all that right)?
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This journal is all about ME: TW - Campingshiny_starlight on February 10th, 2008 11:56 pm (UTC)
Heh. Well, the SGA/SG1 connotations make the Air Force a fun option also :) I'd love to meet up if you're in London. Just let me know the dates. I'll definately be around. Always love to meet fellow lj'ers
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the oncoming whirlwind: tw: jack - coffeescap3goat on February 11th, 2008 12:07 am (UTC)
whee!
I'll definitely leave a message when I know the exact dates and times. Then I'll staple a memo to your forehead in reverse writing so you see it every morning in the mirror and call you twice a day the two weeks before I'm coming. Just kidding. I'll call thrice. :P
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This journal is all about ME: TW - Lifetime I'm Yoursshiny_starlight on February 11th, 2008 12:23 am (UTC)
Re: whee!
hehehee I'm looking forward to it! Squeeing with fellow fangirls is always fun
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This journal is all about ME: TW - Jackshiny_starlight on February 10th, 2008 11:57 pm (UTC)
Nice new layout btw. Very yummy
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the oncoming whirlwind: tw: jack - breaking through the painscap3goat on February 11th, 2008 12:02 am (UTC)
Thanks. :D
It's just an old one re-used - because angsty!Ten and Linkin Park says it all sometimes, but sometimes it's gotta be Captain Jack and Meat Loaf.
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This journal is all about ME: TW - Iantoshiny_starlight on February 11th, 2008 12:04 am (UTC)
hahaha. A good motto to live life by
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the oncoming whirlwind: various: square orangesscap3goat on February 11th, 2008 12:12 am (UTC)
Actually it was a choice between that or "if life gives you oranges, square them" :D
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This journal is all about ME: TW - Ianto Leads Into Kissshiny_starlight on February 11th, 2008 12:22 am (UTC)
hehe. Thats fun too. I really need to change my layout. Or at least personalise it. I've had a paid account for two years now. Time I got around to it lol
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the damned, elusive Pimpernel...: abmo's Captain Valentineladyfiresprite on February 10th, 2008 10:19 pm (UTC)
No, it isn't horrible that you want to do something else with your life. I faced this as well going into University and I'm definitely better off. Don't worry. Just follow what YOU want! :)
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the oncoming whirlwind: faust: mephisto - dead husband's greetinscap3goat on February 10th, 2008 10:25 pm (UTC)
I'm just so afraid that it's going to pass and I'll be stuck somewhere where I don't want to be. Or maybe it won't work and I'll be stuck with the next best.
I didn't mind going to university for 6 years before I got turned down, now I mind the whole medicine thing. I don't feel passionate about it anymore. But time's running out on me, I feel.
I need to go, get out, get away, get a life...
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noctuabundanoctuabunda on February 11th, 2008 07:06 pm (UTC)
Hmm... how old are you?
A friend of mine is 24 and she started learning physiotherapy just now; everything up to then has been filled with trying different things. And she's not too old to start that now! So I don't know about time running out on you.

I'd say do it! Dare it! Not without preparation of course, and not if it's a hopeless cause. Ask your highschool drama teacher what he thinks, go to England and live your dream - for a year. If it doesn't work, at least you'll have tried. And you'll still have enough time.
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the oncoming whirlwind: me: casual - to be or not to be...scap3goat on February 11th, 2008 07:10 pm (UTC)
I think I'll apply at the RADA. XD
It's stupid, it's brave - no idea (they take 34 people for BA acting every year). I'm looking for monologues (classic and modern) right now and gonna talk to my mum about it.
I'm turning 20 this summer, so not very old.
My teacher said my former job-idea would have been better, but other than that I should probably try. She doesn't know where I want to go... XD
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